The Gokiburi Wars
The cockroach in the picture is actual size. Rhod discovered the beast lurking in our middle-room whilst getting dressed this morning and then happily abandoned me to go to work. Left alone with the monstrous creature I could not simply leave the thing alone and go about my morning, whilst it made use of our kitchen and contentedly munched on toast and coffee. Thus I began an offensive to hunt down cockroach. Little did I realise it would be a battle to the death.
Sweating madly in my underwear (summer is making our apartment into an oven) I began my attack with stealth, bath cleaner, aftershave and washing up liquid. I thought I had him at the fridge, but he knew all about cockroach traps and merely ripped them up before vanishing. The most unbearable thing was to hear his scuffling in the dark, his cockroachy torments. I peeked behind the fridge with only a dimly lit torch for illumination, and he leapt at me. Somersaulting to the floor I fired the bath cleaner, driving him back behind the sink. The battle was drawing to a close and we both knew it. I pulled the cupboard back and after some searching discovered him glaring at me from the corner, perfectly camouflaged. With washing up liquid in one hand and my whole weight pulling back the sink unit, I sprayed him. Instantly he attacked, forcing me back and now running into the open.
The beast jumped and leapt at the floor, spreading his wings. The bastard could fly. I shot again, but lost my grip. The bottle slipped out of my grasp and spun away. He jumped. Rolling over I scooped up Rhod's shoe and with all my might crushed the demon. The body twitched, dazed but alive. I smothered him in the remains of washing up liquid. And there he suffocated, melted, and was no more. Covered in foam, I stood with my eyebrows sweating and my elbows bruised. This battle was over. The war is not.