The Kyonoki Awards 2005!

Here are the things that have had us laughing, singing, crying and fuming over 2005 (even though a few entries were released prior to this year). Here we go... (more)

31 12 05 - 06:52 - kieren - kyonoki| No comments - §

Kao

Kao

In preparation for Saturday, after booking a swank restaurant for New Year's Eve, we trawled over town to try out Tomomi's brother-in-law's new Sherry Bar. A few sherry cocktails later and Rhod was sprawled out on the bar. Here are some photos of the tiny little 'Face' (Kao) Bar.

Bar Kao

30 12 05 - 13:42 - kieren - kyonoki| No comments - §

Yule Log

I am sat coiled in wires, snug in my new jimjams, while Rhod is singing along merrily to Huey Lewis in Back to the Future, and the apparent hottie of Michael J Fox in his puffy vest jacket. A funny thing, but I feel more festive now, thinking about going out for dinner tomorrow to see in the New Year with a few close friends, than I have over the past week. (more)

30 12 05 - 13:21 - kieren - kyonoki| No comments - §

Beat Mania

Rhod on Beat Mania

Rhod happy as Riley, enjoying his new toy.

25 12 05 - 02:19 - kieren - kyonoki| No comments - §

The Guardian of the Presents

Grover

In an attempt to prevent Rhod prodding, shaking and asking questions about his presents (now I know why my mum and dad kept presents from under the tree until the evening of Christmas Eve), I have posted a sentry on the mountain of presents. Still, maybe it was a mistake as Grover seems taken with some of them himself.

24 12 05 - 09:16 - kieren - kyonoki| two comments - §

Where's Wally?

Rhod on Egg

Christmas wrapping takes its toll.

24 12 05 - 07:08 - kieren - kyonoki| two comments - §

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Santa-san

From Santa-san (carrying rice cakes and lobster no less), a very Merry Christmas to our friends and family. Be you in England, Wales, Australia, Canada, America or the Moon, I hope these festive greetings reach you. Rest assured, Santa will be soon be merrily (although he may be a bit exhausted, let's be honest) dropping presents down the chimney. From the snowy climes of Kyoto to the sun drenched beaches of Sydney, we hope your Christmases are relaxing and special. All our love and best wishes.     -Kieren and Rhodri

22 12 05 - 09:54 - kieren - kyonoki| four comments - §

Whiteout

What a fantastic way to start the Christmas Holidays, with lashings of snow. Not quite sure how to go shopping, but think my clumsiness would likely kill me on a bicycle. Still, going to try and snap some photos. Will wrap myself up and walk to the station. Still a bit sick, but a handful of drugs and I am ready to go.

Snow

Snow Again

22 12 05 - 00:56 - kieren - kyonoki| two comments - §

Metropolis

Maria

Quite simply the best movie ever made. Without colour, without sound, with dozens of scenes lost to time, it remains haunting and majestic. When I was in my early teens I waited up into the early hours to catch a glimpse of the film. Every few years I sit down and watch it again, slowly newer versions restoring footage and plot. It remains as powerful as it ever was. A futuristic look at an all controlling corporation, the enslavement of the proletariat, a fated love story, a mad scientist and a homicidal robot. Magic. And it has a happy ending...

21 12 05 - 10:48 - kieren - kyonoki| seven comments - §

Kaze

Ironic that in Japanese kaze means both to have a cold, and windy weather. As I have sniffled through the last few days, refusing to take my PJs off, the wind has really been howling at the eaves. Although feeling drugged up, I put in a couple of hours at school as it is my last day before the Winter Vacation, not really doing much but sitting with the students and talking about what films I watched recently. We played hangman (if we don't they whine and sulk), wrote letters to Santa, listened to Christmas songs and played charades (they could only mime animals...sloth, raptor and martian were particularly interesting). 

(more)

21 12 05 - 09:32 - kieren - kyonoki| No comments - §

Snowbound

Box of Delights

The Box of Delights is the most magical of books, a Christmassy tale of shape-shifters and dark forces out to capture the titular box. Quaint, uniquely English and out-of-date, the reader turns to the last page to find that everything was the wishful dream of a small boy on a train. The book is not so kind as to suggest that perhaps, just perhaps it wasn't fantasy, that it really did happen. That is just plain cruel. As I boarded the train on the journey home, I was reminded of the opening magical passages.
 (more)

19 12 05 - 05:11 - kieren - kyonoki| No comments - §

Childe Roland

Roland

Imagine a young, budding author inspired to write a sprawling story that would stretch across worlds, across times, bending our imagination to the limit. Imagine that the young author grew to be one of the most successful writers of his generation. Imagine that each and every book he wrote was subtly tied to the single story he had been obsessed with since his college days. And imagine the shock of the reader, who suddenly stumbles upon a passage that makes him consider each book that this particular author has written, and at once realise that they are all connected, no matter how thinly.

(more)

18 12 05 - 07:29 - kieren - kyonoki| No comments - §

White Christmas?

Snow in Gosho

Struggling from my futon this morning, I slipped onto the balcony to discover the first snow of the year frosting Kyoto. By the time we left the apartment most of it had melted. Winter has come much earlier this year, much more aggressively. Snow makes it all worth while though.

18 12 05 - 05:43 - kieren - kyonoki| No comments - §

Twas Beauty Killed The Beast

Kong

And lo, the beast looked upon the face of beauty. And it stayed its hand from killing. And from that day, it was as one dead.
Why don't people have this much passion making movies anymore? Whatever its faults, they are forgiven in the sheer wonder of it all.

17 12 05 - 02:46 - kieren - kyonoki| three comments - §

Onsen Monkeys

Onsen Monkeys

Rhod, relaxing at the local onsen.

15 12 05 - 12:50 - kieren - kyonoki| No comments - §

March of the Penguins

Peguins on the go

Fatcamp for penguins! Poor bastards.

15 12 05 - 11:43 - kieren - kyonoki| No comments - §

Search Warrant

I could practically hear the wang-twang of the Grange Hill credits rolling to an end, as the students poured out of the gates. No sooner had the last few left, than the boys in blue were pouring into the school grounds. (more)

15 12 05 - 09:44 - kieren - kyonoki| No comments - §

The Sting

Have you ever taught a lesson so bad that you worried you would be arrested for killing the students through boredom? No? Well neither have I, until halfway through an energetic game of pictionary a policeman slid open the door and stepped into the room. (more)

14 12 05 - 09:41 - kieren - kyonoki| one comment - §

Stoves

Like the immense lines of people queuing for bread in the 80s USSR, so students wait in the freezing cold each morning for a small hose that they can take back to their classrooms. This small pipe connects the gas supply to the one ancient stove provided for each class. The stoves are powerful, capable of melting any fabric, up to the distance of 1 metre. If your desk is not closest to the blackboard, then you have no chance of getting even a flicker of warmth.

(more)

13 12 05 - 10:38 - kieren - kyonoki| one comment - §

Sydney

Rach, Martin, Ben, Emily and Leo. Hope you are all safe and well. Am sure that you were far from the rioting over the weekend, but just to touch home-base, wanted to check. Actually now that I come to think of it, Ben and Emily are probably not even in Sydney. In that case, hope your interviews went well Ben. So...Mart and Rach, hope you guys are good...in Sydney...Ben and Emily, wherever you may be.

12 12 05 - 10:10 - kieren - kyonoki| two comments - §

Smite

Smite

Ever had one of those days when you just want to smite someone. Each day I go through the same routine, emerging from the subway to see the evil ticket man pasting 'Do Not Park Here' stickers on my bike. He growls at me. I look at him levelly, pluck the ticket from the handlebars, screw it up and toss it in an abandoned shopping basket. He stares at me. I smile, hitch my rucksack, kick off the stand and shoot away whistling to myself. The man's growls fade into the distance. EVERY DAY. Wouldn't it just be easier to have a smite button.

12 12 05 - 09:30 - kieren - kyonoki| No comments - §

General Ignorance

Bloody brilliant. What other TV show would teach you that pistachios are listed as being volatile cargo under maritime law, likely to explode if they become rotten in large quantities...that from the moment the Titanic slid beneath the water, the entire crews wages were frozen, for technically their jobs disappeared with the boat...that 154 people die from being hit on the head by coconuts each year...and that Rolls Royce Ltd. test their aircraft engines by firing chickens out of cannons at them. All this and we are only halfway through the show.

QI has to be the best thing about British TV at the moment, highlighting bizarre facts, altering historical misconceptions, and gently nudging our general knowledge towards genius. Each Monday I can bamboozle my work colleagues with trivia that has their ears bleeding. They look appreciatively at me and so I pass on my knowledge amiably, warm in my smugness. Well, their ears are likely bleeding because they can't understand what I am on about and my Japanese is not sufficient to say, 'Did you know that when you chop a worm in half, you are not creating two worms, but rather two pieces of one dead worm!'. But anyway...
Stephen Fry, I salute you sir.

QI

12 12 05 - 09:25 - kieren - kyonoki| three comments - §

Memoirs

Geisha

Exquisite, brutal, beautiful. Memoirs of a Geisha paints its tale in broad strokes, marrying the horrific rivalry and jealousy of women in the Floating World with the painful journey of a young girl becoming a Geisha. In its quiet moments, unspoken delicacy and swift brutality, the film achieves a powerful intensity. The drama and conclusion may leave you much colder, as unlikely love infuses this world of wealth and privelege. Is all we see true? Most certainly not. But fact entwines fiction to captivate for three short hours. Suffering for art, locking your heart away, painting on a face that is not your own...visit a fading world.

10 12 05 - 18:01 - kieren - kyonoki| two comments - §

Licky Raptors

First years like licking me. Disgusting little monsters, lime green snot caked to their upper lips. Drooling, toothless grins. Of course I am talking about the 6 year olds from elementary school, not the 12 year olds from junior high...that would be weird. Well, weirder. Today was one of my rare appearances at the local elementary school, where I got to explain what a turkey looks like (they are not purple Yuta), was told that Santa battled Christ for control of Christmas, got jeered at for insisting that Christmas falls on December 25th, and hysterical peals of laughter talking about presents in stockings...well just the stockings.

(more)

09 12 05 - 12:37 - kieren - kyonoki| No comments - §

Pooh's Girlfriend

Pooh

Sweet Jesus. Can people just leave the f*** alone. If something is lodged in the heart of millions of children and their parents, no matter how quaint or out of date, then shouldn't you just put your grubby hands down and admit that the formula works well enough. Modernising classic characters? **** you Disney!

09 12 05 - 10:50 - kieren - kyonoki| No comments - §

Stuffed

Turkeys

Sure, I love eating those fat, gangling, awkward creatures as much as the next man. But what sicko wants to look in everyday and see how the is bird plumping up? A firm in Essex now allows you to keep tabs on your bird, through the miracle of CCTV. Whenever you feel like it, you can log on to the net and look at your prize turkey gobbling away. Nice. Just before you have it killed. What the hell? Who would want to watch the live version of the exact bird you eat on Christmas Day. For all the Turkeys out there, this cartoon is for you. You are ugly, but I love you. And in protest I will not be eating any of you this year (not through choice).

08 12 05 - 11:59 - kieren - kyonoki| four comments - §

Hang Up

Hangman

This game is like gold-dust. Whoever first came up with the idea for this game, I thank you a million times. Every single one of my students joined in for the first time. Every one. They all shouted and screamed and laughed and joked...and I could have kissed the blackboard. There is a God!

08 12 05 - 10:55 - kieren - kyonoki| three comments - §

We're Very Concerned

A Series of Unfortunate Events

'At times the world can seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe us when we say that there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough. And what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may, in fact be the first steps of a journey. We hope to have you back in our arms soon, darlings. But in case this letter arrives before our return, know that we love you. It fills us with pride to know that no matter what happens in this life, that you will take care of each other with kindness and bravery and selflessness, as you always have. And remember one thing, my darlings, and never forget it. That no matter where we are, know that as long as you have each other, you have your family and you are home'.


07 12 05 - 13:20 - kieren - kyonoki| No comments - §

Snow

Snow Bus

Ok, this picture is a lie. But I was so excited to see a sprinking of snow on the Western mountains cycling home! I took a picture on my cellphone, but you can't see anything but a white blur. Now I remember why I suffer the cold...for snow.

07 12 05 - 11:10 - kieren - kyonoki| one comment - §

Stalingrad or School?

The urinals are blocked again, the grimy tiles damp with foot prints. An ancient hairless mop lies propped against the broken cupboard and the sinks are clogged with ancient soap. The smell of piss follows me up the concrete stairwell, past windows with broken catches, peeling student posters failing to conceal the stained walls and broken skirting. As I walk up to the class, I pass more toilets reeking of piss, and sinks stained with years of grime. The windows are coated in dust, the sliding doors patched up from numerous encounters with student feet.
Inside the classroom is a little less desolate. Ignoring chairs and desks from when Lenin was a boy, the ancient shelves and lockers are crumbling with age. A few potted plants suicidally edge off the window sill. The home room teacher has attempted to brighten things up with student work, their art and mementoes. But the dash of colour is drowned in a sea of black uniforms, tattered curtains and floor that looks reclaimed from times of yore.

(more)

07 12 05 - 10:17 - kieren - kyonoki| three comments - §

The Game is Afoot

Young Sherlock Holmes

I was thinking about films and books that shaped my childhood, Christmas bringing out my younger self and wrestling my cynicism away. Strangely in 1985 one of the first films I remember watching, and a movie that remains the high watermark of my imagination, was Young Sherlock Holmes. Yesterday it arrived in the post and I have spent most of the evening watching it. As I turned on the TV I worried that I was about to shatter some illusion from my youth, as happened when I watched Box of Delights a few years ago. (more)

06 12 05 - 11:59 - kieren - kyonoki| No comments - §

Aslan is on the Move. Slowly.

White Witch

I am a patient man (Lie!) Nonetheless, I happily wait expectantly for movies to arrive, and watch trailers ceaselessly until they are shown in Japan. Just before Harry Potter, our local cinema presented Narnia in one of the most exciting and captivatingly Christmassy of trailers. My heart beat a little faster and warm glee spread over me. It is the film I have waited for most of this year. After the trailer credits, the date flashed up on screen and my jaw dropped open, and in the silence I could not help but yell 'NO'. March 8th. Next year. NEXT YEAR!  (more)

06 12 05 - 08:55 - kieren - kyonoki| two comments - §

Childhood Remembered

Sadsack

Do you remember this little chap? I watched the TV show every week just to see the surly sack of fluff that I loved. I think I am Sadsack!!!!!

05 12 05 - 13:14 - kieren - kyonoki| No comments - §

The Howling of the Wind

The first snow flurries of the year arrived, with a northern wind that feels as if it could tear you to shreds. I will not launch into my spiel about how the gas company colludes with construction firms and the government to deny affordable central heating to the masses. For those of you who say stoves are sufficient, and that for such high temperatures in the summer months it seems impractical on paper to install radiators, I tssk and walk away. Winter is four months long and in Kyoto it hovers rarely above the zero mark. The skies are roiling waves of bruised clouds, the wind blows dry and cold, and my washing gets frozen stiff on the laundry pole.

(more)

05 12 05 - 12:53 - kieren - kyonoki| four comments - §

Rhod's Giant Egg

Egg Beanbag

Rhod's life is coloured by the DS. Newly obsessed with his giant egg-like beanbag, nesting like a giant hen, and impossible to move.

04 12 05 - 12:34 - kieren - kyonoki| four comments - §

Disco Tree

Disco Tree

Not quite as special or magical as a real tree, dressed up, but there is something charming about our little disco tree. Hunting around the shops for decorations, we were not spoilt for choice. As tacky as Christmas cracker gifts, most of the Christmas goods would look quite nice roasting on an open fire. But Frank the Tree now has a home and is flashing away happily, and even Rhod's Scroogey heart is melting.

04 12 05 - 08:11 - kieren - kyonoki| No comments - §

Meet the Smiths

Mr and Mrs Smith

The thinnest of premises made good. The story of a married couple, both deadly assassins, both concealing their identities from one another, both assigned to kill the other. A film in which everything relies on the acting, and the delivery of each line. Simple, but perfect.

03 12 05 - 16:51 - kieren - kyonoki| No comments - §

Battle to Baghdad: The Fight for Freedom

Paper hat askew, tummy filled up with Christmas pud, vision all a plum-brandy haze...and your kids tugging on the hideous jumper a great aunt bought you. 'Daddy! Pleeeeeeeeeeeease will you play a board game with us'. Resigned to the doom of family time, when all you want to do is doze, you pull out the latest family friendly game you bought for the little urchins. Brandy poured anew, you all settle down for a fun few hours of Battle to Baghdad: The Fight for Freedom.

Lead your troops across the treacherous terrain of Iraq, avoiding enemy soldiers, suicide bombers and travesties, to sack Baghdad and catch the elusive Saddam. Fun for all the family? Inventive? An early evening party game? Ummm, I beg to differ. If it wasn't so horrific I might actually be offended. Read the Newsweek article, here. The worst thing about all this...I am not making it up.

Battle to Baghdad

03 12 05 - 12:04 - kieren - kyonoki| No comments - §

Nemesis

Twist and Shape

My new nemesis: the Twist and Shape, or is it Shape and Twist? Well, an abundance of cakes and fizzy pop has led to me being a bit less than streamlined of late. Resolutions go out the window, so last week I hauled back this monster machine from town. With the excess of Yule steamrolling towards us, I am twisting and shaping, and cursing, and swearing, and damning the damn machine each day.

03 12 05 - 10:40 - kieren - kyonoki| No comments - §

Curse of the Chimney Sweep Cap

Misako

Look! Another Sweep. Kyoto seems to be teeming with these sooty tykes. A pot of jellied eel and we'd be back in London.

03 12 05 - 02:27 - kieren - kyonoki| No comments - §

A Taste of Old London

Chimney Sweep

Rhod was lucky enough to meet a real life Olde Chimney Sweep on the streets of Kyoto.

03 12 05 - 00:55 - kieren - kyonoki| No comments - §

Night Vistas

London Night

The greatest city on Earth vs.

Kyoto Night

The most comfortable. My friend Kenji took these from his recent travels. Two places close to my heart, breathtaking in the Winter evenings.

02 12 05 - 13:12 - kieren - kyonoki| No comments - §

The Season of Discontent

What I miss so, so much is being able to open a bottle of wine at home, lay back, put my feet up and relax with friends. No special occasion, no reason, just lounging about for the sake of each others company. This in essence is homesickness. As I become more and more spherical, successive layers piled on for the Kyoto winter, there is a rosy warmth in seeing how inviting home is of an evening.

Usually I don't get so personal in blogging, but tonight I feel the need to exorcise some ghosts. I looked at a room full of people who I did not know tonight, all kneeling, pecking at small dishes of Japanese food, amiably getting along, and I felt a horrible discomfort strong enough to halt me at the door and leave Rhod behind at dinner.

(more)

02 12 05 - 12:05 - kieren - kyonoki| two comments - §

Bushy Tailed Thugs

Killer Squirrel

I love the Hitchcockian idea of killer squirrels. It is a little unsettling to think of animals showing any propensity for intelligence, or formation attack, yet the poor dog in the story obviously rubbed them the wrong way. At high school my dad returned home with the story of a bizarre squirrel, whom he thought he had run over. Stopping the car, he stepped out, bent down to examine the grey little body, only to find himself under attack. My brother and I laughed for weeks afterwards. However, if there is some truth in the new found guile of these creatures, then maybe we should be more careful.

While they bound through parkland, cute in their forage for food, we should not be blindsided by their fluffy tails. Red and grey squirrels have been waging war in the British Isles for decades, and across the world reports flood in annually of strange behavior in the squirrel population. Cyclists pursued, babies attacked, dogs eaten alive. What if Daphne Du Maurier was mistaken about the first species to turn against the encroachment of man...

You have been warned.

02 12 05 - 04:33 - kieren - kyonoki| No comments - §

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